Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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