She's JV to your varsity
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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