Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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