Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
