Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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