we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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