I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
