I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
