If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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