Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
