just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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