Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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