Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
