Everything about him screamed your future.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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