my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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