He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
