She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Mom said you looked used
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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