It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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