You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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