the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
this beer tastes like vomit already
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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