Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
