I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
