he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
