The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
