Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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