i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Panties = found
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
