I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
