you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
