Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Please don't give away my fajitas
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
