i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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