I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
