Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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