o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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