it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
