none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
