If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
