would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
