I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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