I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
