Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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