So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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