i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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