Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
