what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
