Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize