I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
