i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
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last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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