My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
