dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
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between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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