I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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