Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
