made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
