dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
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Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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