Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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