miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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