Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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