Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
