i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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