I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
