I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
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if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize